My Sit-com Life Episode – Part 1

Sometimes I think my life does resemble a sit-com series, more of “Seinfeld” and “How I Met Your Mother” combined.

Like the latest event in my life…

It began 3 weeks ago, when I started to feel a hint of pain, near the groin. My first reaction: “Crap, I hope this is not hernia again”.

Back in 2004, I had a hernia operation – in Melbourne, Australia, when I was doing my Masters degree. Hernia is simply a tear in your abdomen wall, which allows internal organs to protrude, sometimes even visible from outside. I got hernia because I lifted up a heavy suitcase when leaving for Australia. Thanks to student medical insurance, I could get operated there free of charge.

The thing about hernia operation is NOT the operation itself. Back then, I did not even need to be hospitalized. Surgery in the morning, and in the afternoon, shoo-shoo, get out! Yup, I guess the Australian medical world is that efficient.

It’s the POST-operation period. Since the surgeon stitched/put a mesh on the tear, there was a wound inside. Now, a simple cough or sneeze that moved the abdomen feels like someone put a hot iron through your abdomen. I’m not joking. It hurts like friggin’ hell.

So when a similar pain occurred 3 weeks ago, I thought, “Oh no, not again”.

So off I went to see the doctor. First, a digestive surgeon. Nope, no hernia. I felt relieved and elated. Perhaps I suffer from infection the doctor thought, and antibiotics were prescribed. VERY EXPENSIVE antibiotics, I must say.

After a week, there was no progress. I got worried again. Damn, does it mean I may still have hernia? This time, I went to see the urologist. Again, no hernia was found. And then he said that he needed to check my prostate. I felt cold chill down my spine.

“Doc, do you REALLY have to do this?”

“Umm, yeah, because we need to check and eliminate the possibilities. Groin pain may be caused by inflamed prostate”

For those who don’t know prostrate check procedure – let me tell you something: IT IS F*CKIN INHUMAN! The doctor must slipped his finger through the ‘rear exit’ and feel the prostrate. Obviously, I’d rather have a date with a pornstar than having a doctor probe my anal.

I cringed, and I begged for mercy with my puppy eyes. The doctor stood firm.

Goddamit.

No choice. So I lied down on the bed, trousers down, whimpering like a little puppy. “Now I want you to RELAX, oke? If you tighten your muscles it will take longer” said the doctor.

If there was a frying pan around me at that time I was pretty sure I would have whacked him in the head, Rapunzel style. HOW COULD ANYONE FEEL RELAX WHEN BEING VIOLATED LIKE THIS?

So I tried my best to relax, and – OUCH – I could feel his finger inside me. “Now, do you feel pain if I do – THIS?”. He wiggled his finger, touched something that had to be my prostate. It didn’t hurt, but surely felt uncomfortable. “NO DOC, NO PAIN, JUST DISCOMFORT”

“Are you sure? Let me do it again – THIS?”

(Where the hell is a frying pan when you need it?)

“NO, NO, NO PAIN!!!”, I screamed. And the doctor pulled out his finger, and wiped my ass clean. I felt dirty.

“Ok, the good news is, the prostate is healthy. The bad news is, I still don’t know what caused the pain. So you need to go through USG – Doppler for certain”.

Why can’t I just go straight to USG without having to know his finger intimately?

The USG-Doppler finally revealed the answer, in both good and bad news. The good news, there is visual proof that I didn’t have hernia. The bad news: I was diagnosed with “varicocele”.

Let me put it in the shortest and clearest words what varicocele is: it’s really “varices in balls”. Some veins in my balls fail to function properly, so blood cannot run smoothly. The internet describes it as “fairly common among adult males, with 15% of US male suffer from it”. Generally it is not harmful, but it can be painful. And if it does not go away by itself, a surgery is needed to fix it.

Varicocele has been linked to infertility, probably because the dilated veins caused increased heat that kills or damages sperms.

Now this news really got me pissed. First of all, the pain has persisted for some time. Secondly, I don’t like my “little soldiers” live uncomfortably down there. This has to go.

I went to see a Urology-Surgeon for advice. He prescribed a drug that works by strengthening the veins, hoping that surgery is not necessary. I was also hoping that I didn’t have to go under the knife.

Unfortunately, after 4 days, the drugs did not yield any result. This morning, it was decided that I will need to go through the operation, scheduled tomorrow, Saturday morning.

The operation was classified as “light” – around 30 minutes. In the internet, it is said that patients may even leave the hospital on the same day as the procedure. But here I will be required to stay at least one night – just to make sure there is no problem. Now, I rarely have morbid fear of doctors or even operations, but this time it’s different.

The problem is, this time the knife will go near my balls…..

You see, I kinda need my balls healthy and functioning. How do I replicate my genes without them?

So yeah, as I contemplate over this episode of my life, I can’t help thinking the resemblance with sit-com series. I can imagine being George Costanza from Seinfeld, with Seinfeld and Kramer laughing over my “balls surgery”. Heck, I even got laughed at already by my colleagues as I explained about this and why I will be absent from the office next week.

So here I am, waiting for tomorrow’s procedure, writing away my restlessness on my blog.

Will continue the story AFTER the operation is finished….

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Categories: Random Insight

16 Comments »

  1. Hi there. I’ve been a follower of your Twitter account for quite some time, and before that I was a silent, yet constant reader of your Multiply blog.

    Firstly, by golly aren’t you a fine writer. It’s refreshing to actually read a medical condition explained so humbly, and lightheartedly (God knows I’ve been reading up a lot of medical articles these past few years, 90% of them aren’t exactly written with a humorous tone).

    Secondly, I am not trained in medicines but from what I gather, varicocele doesn’t involve, or cause inflammation. Yes it is similar to a varicose. I think that means some veins are enlarged, making blood-flow ineffective in some way. The heat that you mentioned, isn’t caused by inflammation but by the longer time in which the blood pools near the testicles.

    I’m surprised that you took the medicines for only 4 days before opting for surgery. May I ask what medicines were these? I’m assuming you’re in a lot of pain (hence only 4 days of waiting for the meds to take effects), and I am so sorry about it. I also have researched a lot and speak to some people in some internet forum, and yes the surgery is quick. A female internet friend told me her husband spent 1 night in the hospital, and in the next day was already up and about as usual, with no significant pain.

    Oh, the ones really deserving repeated hits on the heads with a frying pan are your colleagues, who are so ruthless for laughing over a medical condition. If you need help to whack each and every one of them, leave me a message.

    Finally, I am sorry the prostate check was uncomfortable. I am a female,..I’ve had some VERY uncomfortable procedures… and.. if it’s any consolation for you…please repeat after me: SPE-CU-LUM. PAP-SMEAR. Hope you feel better now! πŸ™‚

    Here’s hoping the surgery goes on smoothly, with no pain before, during or after, and the groin pains will be gone forever.

    PS: George Constanza, Seinfeld, Kramer all get to hang out in cafes everyday, and to me their lives seem dandy.

    • Hi Glitterain!

      Whoa, thanks for the comment!

      And for someone “not trained in medicines”, you are quite well-read yourself! You are right – I have used the term “inflammation” wrongly, will revise it soon. Yeah, the heat explanation makes sense.

      Not sure about the medicine, but if I’m not mistaken, it’s the same for hemorrhoid condition.

      Thanks for the well-wishes Glitterain! Salam kenal, and keep the long comments coming πŸ™‚

  2. LOL. I’m sorry but I have to laugh. :))

    I am a medical student and that ‘rectal toucher’ is one of the examination that we need to do often especially when I was still at Surgery stage, Emergency Room. Ergh. We used to sing this song: RT malam-malam, oh indahnya… [sing it like Melinda – Cinta Satu Malam]

    You’re lucky because your body didn’t reject the mesh, I’d found some case where the patient been operated and their body rejected the mesh and it becoming fistula. But yes, some of the patient complaining about the post operation reaction like u said.

    About the varicocele episode, well, you’ve tried your best to solve this. I mean, you still can see the funny side of this story while having the pain, that’s just wow. πŸ™‚

    Don’t think too much. Good luck for tomorrow.

  3. Yeloo, been following your tweets. And *gasp* i do really hope the operation goes well and you don’t have to repeat those *gasp gasp gasp* thingy ever again. Be well πŸ™‚

  4. Ah, bang Henry, I don’t know how many men would share the world about their own medical experience, I really appreciate yours…
    Good luck for the surgery!! πŸ™‚

  5. hallo henry, gw salah satu follower lo di twitter, cm bs ngedoain semoga operasinya lancar & cepet pulih….amiin

    thx 4 always sharing,like it & i always smile to read it πŸ™‚

    good luck!

  6. Semoga operasi nya berjalan lancar ya. Dan lekas diberi kesembuhan oleh Tuhan yang Maha Penyembuh segala penyakit. God Bless U. πŸ™‚

  7. Om Henry dulu Master degree nya di Melbourne? waaah, di Universitas mana om?? and when did you finish your study? kangen Gyu tandon nya Menya ngga?? πŸ™‚

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