My Sit-com Life Episode – Part 2
Saturday morning, woke up at 6, was thirsty and hungry but could not eat or drink because of the pre-operation fasting rule. (The reason: if you feel nauseous due to the anesthesia, you don’t throw up at the doctors). So I showered, thinking this might be my last shower for the next 24-48 hours.
Arrived the Siloam hospital at 7 am. Did some paper works (ensuring you don’t just run butt-naked from op-room without paying) and then I was sent to my room to wait for the operation.
As I waited, suddenly the doctor-on-duty pop in to do preliminary check. You know, the basic stethoscope, heartbeat, and chit-chat. Now, she is a young cute Chinese doctor, with long lustrous black hair…
Did I mention that my girlfriend was there with me?
So yeah, I had to play it cool and all. Didn’t want any trouble before the operation, as if knife near balls isn’t big trouble already. Although when the doctor left the room, my gf promptly said, “I’m sure if I wasn’t here you would have flirted with her”.
I guess we dated for too long….
A little while later, a nurse handed me liquid soap and told me to shower. Had I known this I wouldn’t have showered at home. It was an antiseptic soap – probably required to ensure I am germ-free for the operation.
9 am, the op-room nurse came to pick me with a wheel chair. As I had to let go of my glasses at this time, I traveled through the hospital corridors half-blind. So if my face looked contemplative and calm it wasn’t because I was, but because I was struggling to focus my sight.
Now the operation room. First stop, changing clothes to operation dress. Since I had to pee, they allowed me to enter the doctors’ locker room and used their toilet. That was the first time I entered doctor’s locker room in my life, and I didn’t see any hot doctors making out like Grey’s Anatomy.
(Then again, I wasn’t wearing my glasses. I may have missed it…)
So I finished with peeing, somehow wondering if this would be my last sight of my manly device if something went wrong. And off I went for the anesthesia.
For varicocelectomy procedure I was having, a local anesthesia is enough. That means they injected me at my back. I got anxious because I know the human spine is rather sensitive. The anesthesiologist explained that the drug would work fast, I’d feel some tingling and numbness from waist down and would not be able to move my legs again. And although the anesthesia process started fast, it would wear off slow, taking about 6 hours until I could regain control over my legs again.
Now, local anesthesia means I would be fully conscious throughout the procedure. But no, they wouldn’t allow you to check out what the surgeons are doing and tweetpic it. They will set up a screen in front of your chin, so you can’t see what’s happening.
Still, I was scared shitless.
The nurses then stripped my pants, lifted my legs apart like a mother in labor. So there I was, completely exposed, and there was nothing I could do. To add dramatic touch to the stage, they turned on the main operating light focused on my crotch.
Yep, there was nowhere to hide for my poor ‘Leonidas’ down there.
The surgeon finally came to the table and tested whether I already couldn’t feel anything in groin area.
“Now, do you feel something if I do – THIS?”
I was pretty sure he was poking me with his knife, scalpel, battle-axe, or whatever, because I could still go,
“Oh well, we just need to wait another minute”.
A minute passed, and again he poked me, and “AWWW!” I went again. I could hear he ask the anesthesiologist whether things have been done properly.
At that juncture I felt a little panic: GEEZUSWHATIFIDIDN’TGETENOUGHDRUG?IWILLFEELPAINASTHEYCUTMEALIVEEE??!!
And then I heard the anesthesiologist mumbled something, like he already used horse tranquilizer or something – and then suddenly – I don’t know whether the drug finally reacted or that he just poured everything he got into me – I started to feel hazy.
“I feel dizzy”, I managed to mumble weakly, and then I felt my eyes were very heavy.
Here’s the thing: I remained conscious, but felt very weak. Just to open my eyes was effortful, so I didn’t bother. I could hear the doctors and nurses talking, but all sounded muffled and distant. And I did feel fingers and tools touching and shoving around in my groin, but it wasn’t painful.
After what felt like eternity (turned out it was only 30 minutes), I felt I was being stitched up, which means the operation was finished, and I was still drowsy. From the op-room I was sent over to the recovery section. Another hour passed smoothly, no nausea or melodramatic behaviour, so I was returned to my room.
Here’s the bitch part about local anesthesia operation in groin area. Remember it takes 6 hours so my nerves could gain control again? Well, it applies to your urinary tract as well. Which means, you couldn’t feel your bladder and control your peeing when the drug’s effect is still on.
Which means, they must put catheter. It is a small tube that goes straight into the penis, so urine can go straight into a bag, so you don’t wet yourself while you are still anesthetized. This is torture to me 😦
So what about the operation? Turned out I did have varicocele, the final confirmation to the USG result. And the surgeon took out the troubled dilated vein – from both left and right sides, hence it was called “bilateral operation”. The snipped veins were put into small bottles of formaldehyde, so I can carry them home as souvenirs.
(I decided to throw them away immediately. They are gross….)
Now I’m still resting in my hospital bed, thinking how health is really everything in life. No matter how rich you are, or how many girlfriends you have (like Hugh Hefner), you really can’t enjoy it when you are ill, can you?
And for the guys – if you have been trying to have children and are having difficulty, do have a check-up. Varicocele may affect fertility, and operation may improve your “impregnating ability”. If you have more specific questions about my experience, feel free to email me at email@example.com.
(And no, don’t ask me about the cute young doctor. I’m not getting into any troubles here…)
Categories: Random Insight