I am NOT a fashionable person.

In fact, my fashion score is probably even lower than the average person in Indonesia.

There are two reasons for that: First, I really couldn’t care less about appearance. I will keep myself clean, cut my hair, clip my fingernails, and that’s it. Secondly, I find shopping for clothes a horror show. I would be overwhelmed with the choices, the need to ‘color-match’, not to mention the hassle of going to changing room. But put me in a bookstore, and I will become a happy camper for hours.

This ignorance over fashion even extends to things as basic as jeans. The last time I bought a pair of jeans was probably 5 years ago. (OK, underwear is different thing! I still buy it occasionally, okay…)

So after I complained a few times about old, worn old jeans without actually doing anything, my girlfriend decided enough is enough. When we happened to be within 200 meter radius of a department store, she dragged me there while I fought, biting and screaming.

But actually, accompanied shopping is the best solution for me. I just need someone to pick whatever item she thinks would look good on me, and then I will try them on, if it fits, off I go to the cashier. I actually benefit from delegating the choosing task. As long as the price tag is not ridiculously expensive or the style makes me look like Barney The Purple Dinosaur, I comply most of the time.

This 100% compliance may not work all the time, like the last jeans purchase incident mentioned above….

So my girlfriend went to the shelf, picked a few items she thought had nice color, and had me try them on. When I tried standing, I wasn’t really paying much attention. I just wanted to get it done quickly. So I checked the waist, I checked the length, girlfriend gave a thumb up, and I just paid for them. I ended up buying 3 pair of new jeans.

Hurrah! Mission accomplished! With minimum hassle! Or so I thought…

And then I learned the price for not checking your jeans thoroughly. Apparently, this is the first time I ever bought low-rise jeans. When I tried them on in changing rooms, they just looked normal and nice. I did squat to check whether they were too tight in “Henry Jr. Factory” areas, but very briefly.

What I did NOT check was low-rise jeans’ capacity to cover the ass.

I discovered this when I was finally wearing them at real life situation. And when I sat for the long time, I could feel the upper but exposed. Apparently the butt area is temperature-sensitive, so you do can feel when a chill breeze hit the exposed area. And then I became overtly conscious, paranoid that my people can see my butt. (No, gratefully, they can’t. But they may be able to identify the make and color of the underwear….) If there is any consolation, my girlfriend convinced me that my FLAT ass ensured ass-visibility is low (yeah, thanks a lot)

Lesson learned here: no matter how much you hate shopping for clothes, when you end up trying them, TRY THEM WELL. Just because I delegate the choice, does not mean I am not responsible for its comfort. In the end, I will be the one wearing them.

I guess for the next 5 years, I will sit with my back against the wall….