Kemarin gw ada pengalaman menarik, makan siang dengan kolega orang India. Sesudah ngomong ngalor-ngidul berbagai topik, dari Bollywood (seriusan! Dan ternyata doi sependapat sama gw, film “My Name Is Khan” sucks! Melodramatis lebay!) sampai ribut-ribut perbatasan India dan Pakistan, kita akhirnya sampai ke topik budaya etnis. Kolega saya ini, sebut saja namanya Si Vijay (dari “Inspektur Vijay” di film Bollywood. Buset deh! :D), menceritakan waktu dia pertamakali pindah dinas ke Jakarta, dia tidak mau tinggal di apartemen yang…. banyak orang India-nya! Menurut Si Vijay, dia pribadi tidak suka berada di lingkungan orang India lagi karena banyak sifat-sifat umum orang India yang tidak dia disukai: ngomongnya kenceng, selalu terburu-buru, suka bertamu tak diundang, dll. Jadilah dia memilih apartemen dengan populasi expat India yang relatif lebih sedikit. Mungkin mudah dari kita untuk menuduh si Vijay ini sebagai “kacang lupa kulit”. Tapi gw mau mengambil sisi positifnya. Menurut gw si Vijay ini menarik karena bisa menyadari sifat-sifat khas bangsanya yang bisa jadi tidak menyenangkan orang lain. Mencintai dan bangga akan bangsa sendiri tidak berarti menjadi “cinta buta”, seperti halnya dengan semua jenis cinta lainnya tidak boleh buta. Mencintai identitas bangsa sendiri juga harus bisa membuka mata akan kelemahan-kelemahan kita sendiri, ya gak sih? Gw jadi mikir, kalo gw mencoba ikut berada di posisi Mas Vijay, apa ya sifat-sifat bangsa sendiri yang kira-kira kurang oke? 1. Jam karet. Ini ada di puncak list buat gw. Gw suka gak tahan dengan orang yang dateng ke meeting/janjian […]

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Yup, cinta harus mati. Itu adalah sebuah keniscayaan. Kalau cinta adalah rasa menggebu-gebu, keringat dingin, deg-degan, susah tidur, tai kucing rasa coklat, romantic dinner dengan lilin, berpandang2an semalaman sampai jereng, dan buket bunga mawar, maka cinta harus mati. Dan akan mati. Tahap “infatuation”, “passionate love”, saat-saat awal manusia jatuh cinta dan tergila-gila, secara neuroscience tidak ada bedanya dengan kondisi “high on drugs”. Otak kita dibanjiri hormon-hormon yang memberi rasa senang melayang, tidak ada bedanya mungkin dengan efek narkoba. Masalahnya di artikel yang pernah gw baca, yang namanya “high” itu tidak bisa dipertahankan terus2an secara perspektif medis. Otak harus kembali ke equilibriumnya. Di buku “Happiness Hypothesis” oleh Jonathan Haidt disebutkan, saat passionate love padam, di sinilah tragedi cinta sering terjadi. Karena kita kemudian mengira “high” itulah keadaan cinta sejati. Dan hilangnya “high” itu membuat kita mengira cinta sudah mati. Untuk selamanya. Dan kemudian kita mencari cinta baru yang bisa memberikan “high” itu. Cinta memang harus mati. Karena dia harus memberi tempat untuk lahirnya sang pengganti, yaitu cinta lain yang tidak memabukkan, tetapi memberi rasa tentram, aman, dan “companionship” (gak ada kata yang tepat untuk menterjemahkan “companionship”, karena ‘pertemanan’ dan ‘persahabatan’ juga kurang pas. Kalo gw boleh bikin kata sendiri, yang pas itu ‘perpendampingan’, dari kata ‘pendamping’) Dan dalam cinta fase kedua inilah, menurut Jonathan Haidt, sebuah hubungan menjadi lebih tahan lama, dan membahagiakan. Dalam perpendampingan sudah tidak ada mabuk atau “high” yang ‘seru’ seperti di film-film romantis, dan ia menjadi ekuilibrium […]

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As a member of the male humans, I can confidently say this: male superiority is a myth. And this realization came to me in full force thanks to the recent episode with Varicocelectomy (refer to previous two posts). Now, when I wrote the previous post, I was still recovering in hospital bed, and had still been connected to Urinary catheter. Urinary catheter, for you ignorant people who don’t know, is a tube conected through uretra to allow you to pee when conditions do not allow (in my case, when anesthesia still numbed my bladder). Now for male patients, it means sticking a small tube through the penis. I fully believe that the male penis evolved to eject stuff OUT (like urine, or little Marines hunting for the Egg), not to be inserted IN with alien stuff. It’s just wrong, and when you violate nature’s law, bad things happen. So last night in the hospital, the good news came, I could be detached from catheter. Hooray, I thought. Finally, FREEDOOOM!! Seriously, there is no way a man can fight dragons and aliens with his penis stuck to a tube! But the news came with two catches. First, I had to undergo “Bladder Training”. It was almost 48 hours since my bladder just went as it wishes, now I had to make sure I have the ability to hold/release my pee at will. Only after I prove I can do this then […]

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Saturday morning, woke up at 6, was thirsty and hungry but could not eat or drink because of the pre-operation fasting rule. (The reason: if you feel nauseous due to the anesthesia, you don’t throw up at the doctors). So I showered, thinking this might be my last shower for the next 24-48 hours. Arrived the Siloam hospital at 7 am. Did some paper works (ensuring you don’t just run butt-naked from op-room without paying) and then I was sent to my room to wait for the operation. As I waited, suddenly the doctor-on-duty pop in to do preliminary check. You know, the basic stethoscope, heartbeat, and chit-chat. Now, she is a young cute Chinese doctor, with long lustrous black hair… Did I mention that my girlfriend was there with me? So yeah, I had to play it cool and all. Didn’t want any trouble before the operation, as if knife near balls isn’t big trouble already. Although when the doctor left the room, my gf promptly said, “I’m sure if I wasn’t here you would have flirted with her”. I guess we dated for too long…. A little while later, a nurse handed me liquid soap and told me to shower. Had I known this I wouldn’t have showered at home. It was an antiseptic soap – probably required to ensure I am germ-free for the operation. 9 am, the op-room nurse came to pick me with a wheel […]

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Sometimes I think my life does resemble a sit-com series, more of “Seinfeld” and “How I Met Your Mother” combined. Like the latest event in my life… It began 3 weeks ago, when I started to feel a hint of pain, near the groin. My first reaction: “Crap, I hope this is not hernia again”. Back in 2004, I had a hernia operation – in Melbourne, Australia, when I was doing my Masters degree. Hernia is simply a tear in your abdomen wall, which allows internal organs to protrude, sometimes even visible from outside. I got hernia because I lifted up a heavy suitcase when leaving for Australia. Thanks to student medical insurance, I could get operated there free of charge. The thing about hernia operation is NOT the operation itself. Back then, I did not even need to be hospitalized. Surgery in the morning, and in the afternoon, shoo-shoo, get out! Yup, I guess the Australian medical world is that efficient. It’s the POST-operation period. Since the surgeon stitched/put a mesh on the tear, there was a wound inside. Now, a simple cough or sneeze that moved the abdomen feels like someone put a hot iron through your abdomen. I’m not joking. It hurts like friggin’ hell. So when a similar pain occurred 3 weeks ago, I thought, “Oh no, not again”. So off I went to see the doctor. First, a digestive surgeon. Nope, no hernia. I felt […]

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Takut mati, takut miskin, takut istri, takut suami, takut bos, takut bodoh, takut terlihat bodoh, takut diomongin, takut tetangga, takut penjahat, takut ditipu, takut mertua, takut menantu, takut menganggur, takut kawin, takut telat kawin, takut sendirian, takut jomblo, takut sukses, takut polisi, takut pacar, takut anjing, takut gelap, takut neraka, takut Tuhan, takut setan, takut telat, takut kecepetan, takut hamil, takut gak bisa hamil, takut pemerintah, takut ormas, takut teroris, takut bom, takut neraka, takut kalah, takut menang, dan sejuta rasa takut lainnya. Kita adalah spesies tercerdas di planet ini, dan juga spesies dengan rasa takut terbanyak. Tetapi, kita juga spesies dengan kisah keberanian terbanyak. Dari yang menantang maut: si prajurit yang berani mati menembus desingan peluru, si pemadam kebakaran New York saat 9/11, orang asing yang terjun ke laut menyelamatkan orang tenggelam yang tak dikenalnya. Sampai yang menantang reputasi dan kecaman masyarakat: Martin Luther King yang melawan rasialisme, Ibu Siami yang membongkar praktik menyontek massal. Atau sampai hal-hal yang terkesan remeh sekalipun: si kecil yang berani masuk sekolah di hari pertama, ataupun si karyawan fresh graduate yang memberikan presentasi pertamanya. Maka “Berani” adalah kata sifat yang membutuhkan “Takut”. Di dalam hidup yang tidak ada rasa takut, maka “berani” adalah konsep yang tidak berharga, tidak relevan, dan bahkan mungkin tidak ada. Jadi betul kata-kata bijak “Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the action despite of it” Menjadi berani bukannya menghilangkan rasa takut. Menjadi berani adalah menjadi manusia […]

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When it comes to interpreting major events in life, there are two camps of view. One extreme camp, which is probably more popular than the other, believes in the ‘Everything happens for a reason’ – that things have been preordained to happen, by Destiny, to fulfill some kind of a Grand Design. The other camp, rightly not very popular, believes in probabilities. That a significant event, either happy or sad, happens just because it does – a probabilistic event. A disaster, a guy meets a girl, a pleasant unlikely encounter with an old friend – all just random happenings, and can be explained through probabilities. No ‘reason’, no ‘design’ – Life just, well, happens. Obviously, it is easy to understand the easy popularity of the first camp, but I am not here to debate which one is right, because truth be told, no one will really know for sure. The Destiny supporters will show how things ‘fit’ together, as if they follow a great script – pointing out to an invisible Design. The probability supporter will just say that this is mere illusion, that the human brain is apt to find ’cause and effect’ and create narrative behind random events. (example: A disaster is caused by an angry God as punishment to evil doings). I am not here to settle which one is right and wrong. But I want to focus on a classic argument that the second camp’s view […]

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